Mature gay bottom
Life on the Bottom
I enjoyed a short-lived career on the bottom. My college boyfriend’s family lived in a duplex on Park Avenue, where we’d often slip away on weekends. Meals were rich and plentiful — foie gras, profiteroles, double magnums of Riesling, etc. — all of which I eagerly imbibed. Following one such decadent feast my freshman year, when we were still very much in the honeymoon phase of our first gay relationship, Dan and I retired to his bedroom and got to work. For weeks we’d been easing into penetration with me on the bottom, but the pain had proven prohibitive. Also at participate was acute paranoia of involuntary defecation, something I’d been assured was a common, yet unwarranted, concern of bottoms.
Presumably though, most surveyed hadn’t recently gorged on three helpings of fattened goose liver. It’s hard to look someone in the eye after shitting their childhood bed — let alone date them for seven more years afterward — but that’s exactly what happened. What didn’t happen — and hasn’t since, really — was me back on the bottom.
• Read next: Bottoming Emojis, Explai Thomas Gass, a dentist in California, has survived the curse—twice. The curse? Gass is a gay man whose only sexual attraction is to men significantly older than he is. Gass lost his first partner, 28 years his senior, through the slowly deteriorating effects of Lou Gehrig’s disease after they had been together for 13 years. After recovering from his grief, he set up love again with a gentleman 18 years older but endured another tragic loss when his second partner died of pancreatic cancer after they had spent 17 years together. Still a relatively young man, Gass might wonder whether or not to take a chance on loving an older man again. For him, however, the choice is between an older man or no man at all. Gass and his friends—all of whom had lost older life partners—have labeled their abiding sexual attraction “the curse of being attracted to older men.” I began to study same-sex relationships with age disparities while conducting research for my book, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight. Gass and I started to correspond after he and his friends had read and discussed my essay Older gay men have the same desire for physical and emotional intimacy as do younger ones. As they age, however, they may be able to step off what one writer described as “the unconscious, relentless, mechanical treadmill of desire.” They’re still active sexually. The pattern of sexual activity a man had in his youth tends to persist as he ages. In several surveys, as many as three quarters of gay men report being glad with their sexual life. In some studies over half of these men reported having sex at least once a week with a partner and this is in addition to the masturbating that most men also do. They know more about what turns them on and are less self-conscious about asking for it. Having more free noun, less stressful work lives, and more self-acceptance contribute to an enhanced sense of sexual possibilities. The highly valued sexual experience tends to shift from the ride directly to orgasm to a fuller erotic life. Affection, cuddling and emotional closeness are increasi Wearing oversized sweatshirts that go past your hands. Listening to Lana del Rey on vinyl while douching for a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your noun always dying. Being confused for a woman when on the phone. Wanting someone to enter and rescue you. According to peopleonTwitter, these alternately depressing and banal attributes constitute &#;bottom culture&#;. &#;Bottom&#; (the person who performs the receptive role during gay sex) has never been stronger as an identity category than it is today. But what does this identity actually consist of? If online jokes are anything to go by, there’s a vein of sadness running through bottomhood, a boundless capacity for abjection. Sometimes, bottom culture is just the hyper-specific situation of the person making the joke: “bottom culture is crying to Kim Petras because a dude who has successfully rebranded themselves as a few notches more masculine than you (despite the fact they also got bullied in school for being gay) ignored the pathetic voice-note you sent them eight hours earlier,” for example. Sometimes bottom culture is jokes a
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